A prediction? Remove this mischievous outlet for American teenagers and our nation will collapse! Without mailbox baseball, egging, TPing or the great Chagrin Falls Pumpkin Roll - is it even Halloween? /s

I have no idea how or why I recalled the "commander-in-chief of all the powers of the air" line from so long ago - but here we are. My deepest apologies to Washington Irving. And America.

Fall is my favorite season. And Halloween has always been my favorite holiday. But, favorites - and nostalgia - require the "good" memories to outnumber the "bad" ones. And I quit keeping score.

I honestly don't know if these are the poisonous "nuts" from the tree. Or "Buckeye Candy" - our stupid peanut butter fudge balls ALMOST entirely coated in chocolate. Either way. If someone eats one ... they stop talking.

(b) This is the best Halloween "joke" I am in the mood to create. Any zombies want to snack on whatever brain residue can be found inside my skull? I'm sure enough can be scraped from the jar to spread on a few crackers.

How much of “me” would be lost if I swapped my “thinking” brain for a pumpkin? Since 99% of what we do is involuntary in some sense – whether autonomic functions, biological urges or societal programming? Probably not much.

True story. Halloween night 1989, two college freshmen used a Ouija board and contacted an entity. They asked its name. It replied “Satan”. One slept elsewhere for weeks. The other never returned. A year later … it was my room.

My Scottish ancestors passed down a very peculiar tradition for Halloween – wearing silver. And for this occasion I have an oddly heavy bracelet that was given to me by my great grandmother. Why you ask? Shhhhhhh.

The thought that disturbs me most is not IF there are aliens. Or IF they are out there. Or IF they will one day visit our world. The thing that keeps me up at night is … what if WE are the “aliens”?

'Tis just about my favorite season! May as well get an early start ... haha. Punny. Poor fella. My college professors introduced me to a "who's who" list of people in an attempt to help me "find myself" as a creator. Including Wes Craven – a native Clevelander who had taught English at my college in the 1960s. But that's a horror story for another day.

'Tis the season! For shaking! Why don't we have a set of universal, cross-cultural ghost rules yet? They can walk through walls. But don't fall through floors. Sometimes furniture is in play. They can move things. Unless they can't. Do they haunt places? Or people? I guess this situation will go "unfinished" ... just like them.

Ghostober continues! And next up. Have we ever considered that temperature manipulation is just a ghost superpower? For what purpose, you ask. For THIS! Maybe the one thing these dear, departed whispy spirits long for ... is a nice, comfy blanket.

Onward Ghostober! What exactly is it that ghosts do? Haunt us? Annoy us? Spy on us? Hmm. Maybe our ancestors just want some company. But ... on which side? P.S. Dear Santa, I – along with the rest of THIS fair city – wouldn't mind a "title" as an early Christmas present.